i was crying in art class today and this girl was all “why are you crying?” and i didnt really wanna answer and we sorta know each other so i was all “why arent YOU crying?” and then she looked at me and ACTUALLY sTARTED TO CRY I just?? wAS NOT PREPARED FOR THAT
i love to use phrases such as “well i’ll be” and “would ya look at that” because in all seriousness i thoroughly enjoy sounding like an astonished elderly southern man
game of thrones will really surprise people next season when in the ninth episode they kill off actual viewers
I was not expecting that, and I laughed entirely too loud.
life is easy, son. it’s just like riding a bike that’s on fire and you’re on fire and everything is on fire and you’re in hell
when you draw a good hand
when you draw TWO good hands
What about if you draw a good FOOT?
TWO GOOD FEET, AND HANDS. SHOW ME THAT.
someone’s gotta document this shit
i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake
i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.
what if the coins you find randomly at the bottom of drawers and in between couch cushions are actually from spiders trying to pay rent
i was in the car with my mum today and she stopped reversing and looks at me and was like “is that a hickey ??? On ur neck ?????? did a boy do that to u ????????? i thought u’d be alone forever on ur laptop.” the hickey was a bruise from where i accidentally shot myself in the neck with a nerf dart while trying 2 recreate a scene in star trek. my life is so pathetic even mum wants me 2 get some
stop reblogging this